“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation”. Brian Tracy
What do you want in a relationship?
All relationships are different because we all experience them differently. Sometimes we think that only if the other person would change, then everything would be fine. And the other person is thinking exactly the same thing about you, because a relationship is a dance and harmony between two lovely persons. There has to be give and take all the time and willingness to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. The sexual and intimate relationship gives us the greatest pleasure or can give us the greatest pain.
Every day we create and recreate our relationship and we have more choice than sometimes appears. The better we understand ourselves and our beliefs, the more satisfying and lovely relationship we can create. Personality is important and having a sense of humor, being attentive, loving, trustworthy… are more important than physical appearance and status. But if you are not physically and sexually attracted to a partner at the beginning, it is more difficult for the relationship to grow. Attraction usually starts at the physical level, but it needs to move from the genitals to the head and heart to be firmly grounded.
What do you believe and value in a relationship?
Everyone wants to know how to have more satisfying and fulfilling relationship and only a few of them are aware that the power is within them.
What does your relationship need to have in order for it to work well for you? Do you need companionship, laughter, good sex, trust and freedom? If you are not sure you can get an additional help here.
The first level is your own self-image in a relationship that will influence your relationships profoundly. Someone with a weak self- image may pick a “trophy” partner, someone who makes you look good. Ask yourself whether you are looking for a partner or boosting your own self-esteem?
The next level is your beliefs and values. Believes cover statements like “One day I will meet someone nice; Marriage should be for life; If you are honest with them they’ll be honest with you… ”.
If you believe you cannot meet a partner who is kind and understanding and respects you, it does not mean they do not exist. You may have a bad relationship in the past, but that does not prove that a good one is impossible. It means only that it has not happened yet. Your beliefs affect your expectations, which affect your actions and your experience. Therefor support your beliefs that can help you and open doors to the future partner.
Values go together with the beliefs. What is important to you in a relationship come out in statements like: “I will find someone who will love me; I wouldn’t stay with someone who had an affair…”
What you believe to be true and what is important to you can be the gateway through which your future partners can pass or get stuck in the way.
If you have a belief that the opposite sex cannot be trusted, then this will drive you towards people who can confirm through their untrustworthy, that your belief is valid. You will act with suspicion and seeing things that may not be there.
The final level is our environment where we are looking for a suitable partner. We put ourselves in places with people that accord with our beliefs, values and sense of self.
We can all create a partnership that brings us pleasure and satisfaction.
What makes communication easy? Some special words like “… because this relationship is so important to me—-“, could be profoundly transformational. It is clearly indicating that his/her intention is to improve what you have together because your love and your relationship are so worthwhile.
For your success,
Marija Hafner, PhD
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