How do you solve a conflict?

Identify your perception through the different perceptional point of view.

Have you ever been in trouble or have a bad feeling because you misunderstood the other person? What causes such misconception that leads to conflict? In this short article I limit my focus to showing you a different perspective for solving the conflict. Your perception of any experience depends on the position from which you perceive it.

We do not see the world objectively, but our world sees through the veil of our past experiences which influence our perception, beliefs, feelings and we create an inner map or mindset which stems from these influences. Being aware of this process helps us to prevent inter-relational misunderstandings.

To change our perspective that usually causes a conflict we need to be aware. Everybody was born to react from his/her own perspective. It means as we see, hear and feel the information, we subconsciously think others grasp the situation in the same way, too. And because everybody sees the world from their own perspective first, we construct our own personal blueprint of the situation. When we change our perspective, the meaning in the content of the information we receive also changes.  So we need some exercise to change our point of view.

 The first point of view or perspective is related to whatever information is coming in through your own eyes, ears and emotions. First, you have your own point of view of any situation-your own beliefs, opinions, and values. This is how it appears to you; you are in your own reality. You think in terms of what is important to you, what you want to achieve. Your language contains expressions such ‘I feel’, ‘I hear’, ‘I see’. It is a good position when you want to set outcomes for yourself or ask yourself the question ‘What do I really want?’  Developing your ability to experience this point of view can be a way of moving from non-assertive to assertive behavior.

Leaders need a strong first point of view. They need to know themselves and their values so they can be an effective role model and influence others by example.

The second point of view or perspective is like stepping into the shoes of the other person and experiencing the situation as if you are them. It is the ability to understand the world of another person’s point of view, to think in the way they think and not just intellectualizing about them. This is the basis of empathy and it gives us the ability to appreciate other people’s feelings. Understanding how other people feel, think is the first step leading them.

The third point of view or perspective is the ability to stand back from a situation and experience it as you are a detached observer. It is rather like being a fly on the wall or in your mind you observe yourself and the other person as if you are a third person.

This view can be valuable when you want to stand back and think objectively about a situation, detached from your emotion. People who are able to handle aggression from others in a controlled and unemotional way often take this point of view. So they are not, for example experiencing the feelings of anger, frustration or hurt that they might be feeling if they were in first perspective.

As you see, there are many different ways of thinking about situations. To begin with it is useful to consider the three primary points of views. There is no ‘right’ view. You build your understanding from multiple views. All are partially true and all are limited.

Think of taking a different perceptive view when there is a conflict at work or in a relationship. The point of view you take leads to how you feel, or how you feel about yourself or others, at any moment in time.

I want to give you an exercise that brings a conflict solution everybody.

Please prepare a pencil and 5 sheets of paper. Each of them mark with the one of the letters: A B C D E

Take your time for some minutes and experience the following steps:

           A . Imagine your unsuccessful talking with the named person. What is going on between

                 You and the named person? Write down.

             B Imagine that you watch the video how do you talk with this person. How do

              You react and what kind of behavior do you show? Write down.

             C One of your colleague experienced the same situation as you had in the case B

                What kind of advice would you give him to solve this problem? Write down.

             D The next time you experience the same situation as your colleague. How do

                  You feel in this situation, what do you think and what do you do? Write down.

             E What this exercise has brought to you? Will you manage different in the future?

              What will you deal with and when? Write down.

To your success,

Marija Hafner, PhD